


I don't know what to do

by who_seeks_shall_find



Series: Life as I see it [27]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Family Feels, Friendship, Motherhood, Suspicions, Unplanned Pregnancy, post-season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 16:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/who_seeks_shall_find/pseuds/who_seeks_shall_find
Summary: Dinah thinks she is pregnant and Felicity helps her. Dinah is interested in Felicity's opinion about being a mom for William. They end up talking about the beauty of motherhood.





	I don't know what to do

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of the series about Oliver's imprisonment and a year after it. This drabble takes place after 43 days of Oliver's release from prison.
> 
> I'm going to write a series which will be updated once a day (if it's just possible). It's going to include 122 drabbles about Oliver, Felicity, William and other characters who are involved in their lives. Therefore, it's going to take approximately four months to finish the series. The drabbles are linked to each other but they're NOT in a CHRONOLOGICAL order. That's why, there may also be gaps or blanks which are filled in later.
> 
> I wish that every character is respected without unnecessary hatred.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Felicity was rushing to Dinah’s apartment as she tightened her jacket. It was raining and she had forgotten to take her umbrella. She was wet and freezing but those weren’t her main concerns. She pressed a brown paper bag against her chest although it hadn’t been her best idea to take a paper bag because of the weather. Oh frack.

The shopping bag in her hand felt heavy. She had just visited a drug store and purchased a pregnancy test and a bottle of soda. It wasn’t for her but for Dinah. Dinah hadn’t been able to go and buy it herself. She had called Felicity about an hour ago and it had surprised her. Yet, Felicity had been even more surprised when she had heard Dinah’s tearful voice. 

Dinah wasn’t a woman who likely cried in front of others so Felicity’s alarm bells had immediately started ringing. It had taken a moment to understand what was wrong but finally Dinah had admitted that she might be pregnant. Now they needed to confirm it or prove her suspicions wrong. Dinah had also said that she had no one else to call and Felicity was actually touched by Dinah’s contact. It meant they were finally mending their friendship. 

Felicity ran to the front door of Dinah’s apartment. She knocked on the door quickly and soon the door was opened. Dinah motioned Felicity to come inside. Felicity stepped inside and took her wet jacket off while she looked at Dinah’s tear-stained face. Felicity didn’t know what was the right next move because Dinah wasn’t exactly a hugger or a talkative person.

Felicity shifted uncomfortably while Dinah wiped her tears away. Dinah didn’t want to look at her into eyes. She seemed to be ashamed of her tears and vulnerable position. Felicity gave her a sympathetic smile but she didn’t want to invade Dinah’s personal space. Felicity was still holding the wet bag and Dinah played with her own fingers.

After a while, Dinah cleared her throat and asked: “Would you like to have something? Warm coffee, perhaps? You must be freezing after running in rain?”

“We can make coffee later. Wouldn’t you like to get over with this whole uncertainty thing?” Felicity suggested and asked gently.

Dinah took a ragged breath before answering: “I think you’re right.”

Felicity nodded and gave the bag to Dinah. Dinah’s hands were shaking when she took it. Then she laughed nervously and questioned: “How is it possible that I’m not scared of any kind of scumbags but a little stick makes me want to throw up.”

“Usually those scumbags won’t call you mommy,” Felicity joked but realized how insensible it sounded.

Luckily Dinah just chuckled and headed towards the bathroom. Felicity followed her but she halted before stepping inside to the bathroom. She gave an encouraging smile to Dinah who had turned to look at her. Dinah was wearing a terrified expression. Felicity had never seen her like this. 

“What if I’m pregnant? What am I going to do then? That guy was nobody. He was just convenient. He dulled my pain and grief after Vincent,” Dinah whispered desperately.

Felicity leaned on the door frame and sighed: “This is about you. What do you want? I’m not judging whatever your decision is.”

Now Dinah looked at her with a surprised expression and Felicity felt a bit confused. She blurted out: “What? Did I say something weird again?”

Dinah shook her head and responded: “No, you didn’t. I just haven’t been thinking that this is actually my decision.”

“Well, it is although it will be a tough one. Most certainly there won’t be an easy choice to make if the test is positive,” Felicity reasoned more to herself than Dinah.

Yet, Dinah nodded while she sat down on the edge of the bathtub. Then she asked: “Is it hard to be a mother?”

Felicity was surprised by her question and she didn’t immediately know how to answer it. Felicity thought of her answer for a while but soon she started: “I don’t think it’s hard the way you think it is. It’s hard but beautiful. I wouldn’t change anything. William makes my life fuller and he is my light. He has also really rooted me.”

When Dinah had a questioning expression, Felicity continued: “I could say all those things about Oliver, too. However, I guess it’s somehow even easier and simpler with William. It’s definitely different.”

Dinah bit her lower lip and Felicity mumbled: “I’m not sure if I’m answering you question.”

“Not really but it’s good to hear your thoughts about motherhood,” Dinah said with a small smile.

“Help me to understand what you want to know,” Felicity pleaded in a friendly voice.

“I guess I wanted to know what the most exhausting parts of motherhood are,” Dinah said thoughtfully

“I’ll try to answer again. It’s hard to worry about William all the time. I’m constantly unconsciously wondering whether William is safe or not. It’s just automatic and I can’t help it. I also often feel like I’m failing him. All those practical things are actually an easy part. Being a mom is a real emotional roller coaster,” Felicity explained.

“I don’t think that I’m ready for a new emotional roller coaster after Vince. I have never dreamed about being a mom,” Dinah huffed and sniffled.

Felicity gave her an understanding smile and admitted: “I never dreamed about being a mom, either. When it became my new reality, I was terrified. William was a teenager who had lost his mom and his dad went to prison. Then I understood that we both were learning. It was our relationship and not anyone else’s. I saw how we needed to grow to our new roles together.”

Dinah tapped her knee nervously and inquired: “How did you manage as a single mom?”

Felicity thought her response for a little while. She chose her words carefully: “It was hard to be a mother without Oliver and now it’s hard to get used to the fact that Oliver is back. It’s always an adjustment.” 

Then she rushed to add: “Don’t get me wrong. I’m daily grateful for having Oliver back.”

Dinah nodded and exhaled sharply. She took the bag from the counter where she had put it. First, she took the bottle out. Then she turned the bag upside down and the pregnancy test dropped onto the floor. Dinah looked at it like it was contagious. She wrinkled her nose slightly.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” Felicity suggested and backed down.

Dinah didn’t seem to hear her and she was still looking at the test on the floor when Felicity closed the door. Felicity went to the kitchen and she started to load the coffee maker. She really needed caffeine after all this. She was also freezing so she welcomed a cup of warm coffee. Then it occurred to her that pregnant women weren’t supposed to drink coffee. Why there had to be so many rules to follow when someone was pregnant? Pregnancies had to be stressful enough without all those rules. 

When she was done with the coffee machine, she approached the bathroom door silently. Dinah should have been ready with the test and Felicity was getting worried. She knocked on the door cautiously but she didn’t get a response. 

Felicity asked softly: “Dinah? How are you?”

When she still didn’t get an answer, Felicity slightly opened the door. She saw from the crack that Dinah was still sitting on the edge of the tub. Dinah stared at the test blankly. Felicity was sure that Dinah was having an internal panic attack. She had no idea how to approach her.

Felicity opened the door wide open and she tried to talk to her again but this time she was louder: “Dinah?”

Dinah flinched and it was like she was waking up from a trans. She shook her head vigorously like she tried to get a hold on the reality. Her tears started falling onto her cheeks and she looked at Felicity pleadingly. Felicity wasn’t sure what she was asking from her so she sat down next to Dinah. Felicity grabbed Dinah’s shaking hand and squeezed it.

“Do you want to do the test together?” Felicity suggested and Dinah nodded once without saying anything.

“Okay. I’ll lift it from the floor and take it out of the package,” Felicity explained her using a clear voice and slow movements. She didn’t want her to be any more startled. 

Dinah nodded once more while Felicity opened the package and dropped the stick to her own hand. Now Dinah turned her gaze away and Felicity wasn’t sure how she could make Dinah to pie on the stick. Felicity held the stick out and she hoped that Dinah would just take it.

Dinah sighed once more and she turned to look at the test. After a while, she took the test with shaking hands and Felicity was sure that Dinah was going to drop it accidentally. Felicity rose to her feet when Dinah seemed to gain more control over herself and her emotions. 

Felicity was just stepping outside of the bathroom but she turned to stay: “I’ll be right out here. You’re doing great. We will know more after a few minutes. Maybe you’re worried for nothing.”

Then she closed the door behind her and started pacing. She was really worried about Dinah because she had never seen her like this. Dinah was one the toughest women Felicity had ever met. This was a totally new side of her. 

Finally, Felicity stopped pacing and she leaned on the wall opposite the bathroom door. After five minutes Dinah opened the door. Those minutes had now felt longer than usually. Dinah was wearing a blank face which Felicity couldn’t interpret. She didn’t look happy but she didn’t look sad, either. Felicity raised her eyebrow.

“So?” she asked impatiently.

“It’s negative,” Dinah said and showed the test.

Felicity had thought that Dinah would have been more relieved but she didn’t show any emotions. Felicity wasn’t sure if she was still in a shock. There was a silence while Dinah just stared at nothing and Felicity observed her closely.

Eventually, Felicity had to ask: “How are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” Dinah answered without giving any further explanation.

Felicity waited for her to continue and soon Dinah explained more: “I’m relieved. If I had been pregnant, I would have had to give up on my mask. Now I can keep going out to the field. In addition, I’m not ready for a baby so I think this is for the best.”

“Is there a but coming?” Felicity asked knowingly.

“I guess there is a part in me that keeps asking when I’m going to be ready to move on. I’m satisfied with my life for now but I’ve lived like this for a long time. At some point I have to find a new way to live. A baby definitely would have offered a new lifestyle,” Dinah answered.

Felicity smiled at her and reasoned: “A kid changes your life and the way you see your life. Yet, I don’t know if it totally changes how you want to live your life. I’m still passionate about the same things as before and still do the same things as I have done before. You’re still you and you have your own dreams. You keep being a hero although you’ve a kid. At the same time, a kid changes everything and nothing. Probably every parent is also different.”

“Thank you. Thank you for being here,” Dinah whispered suddenly.

Felicity blinked a few times and then she felt the urge to hug her. However, she knew that Dinah had strict physical boundaries and she wanted to respect them. Therefore, she just gave her a big smile and a slight nod. After that, Dinah took a step forward and pressed her hand on Felicity’s shoulder squeezing it gently.

“I mean it,” she whispered reassuringly. 

Felicity didn’t know what to say because they had never been that close friends. Their lifestyles united them but they hadn’t actually connected. Now Felicity was grateful for Dinah’s friendship, though. A lot had happened but maybe they were ready to move on.

They stood there for a while until Felicity cleared her throat and motioned towards the kitchen. She said: “I make some coffee. Maybe we can drink it while it’s still warm. I’m freezing.”

**Author's Note:**

> Update for tomorrow:  
> Oliver is released from prison and Felicity finds it hard to say "I love you, too" after everything. The night was a real emotional roller coaster.


End file.
